The cat. When he’s not trying to eat my children, or stocking up his collection of dead rats under the trampoline, he likes to lie directly in our main walking path and play dead. 
Don’t be fooled. You can see in the first picture he sleeps with at least one eye open, and he can go from flat-out death pose to attached to your waist in 0.042 seconds flat. Photographing these poses nearly cost me an ankle. For some reason, the kids still love him way too much for anything to happen to him. He just turned one last month…tell me that means old and calm cathood is on our horizon?!
Old and calm will take at least a decade, I’m afraid. That’s when they become old, calm and grumpy.