We’ve all seen the poems, the articles, and the books. “Mom, I won’t always be small, and you’re going to miss these days – enjoy it while it lasts.”
While there are certainly aspects of truth in this, I find these things can make us feel guilty about the things we don’t appreciate, the things we know we actually really WON’T miss, no matter what a sweet poem tells us. I get teary-eyed reading those things just like the next mom – because OF COURSE there are things I will miss. I will miss being my little boy’s whole world, able to solve almost any problem with a kiss and a snuggle. I will miss quiet, sleeping baby snuggles. I will miss having my kids think I am the best mom in the whole world, having them look for me every time they achieve a new skill or need a grounding safe place. Of course I will miss those little voices, SO excited about a new morning, or a new discovery around the corner; wild, free giggles from a silly dance; mispronounced but oh-so-sincere singing. Of course I will miss those things, but those things are also easy to appreciate. I don’t need to be told I’ll miss them – I miss them if I spend an afternoon away! Those are reasons to love being a mom, indeed.
But I will NOT miss what you’re telling me I will miss.
- I will not miss being kicked in the face in the wee hours of the morning as I cling on to last remaining sliver of mattress I am allowed.
- I will not miss cutting up food for someone else while mine grows cold and my appetite disappears.
- I will not miss sticky fingerprints on my walls and windows.
- I will not miss fighting about what clothes are acceptable to wear out of the house, or what shoes are just too small, no matter how loved they are.
- I will not miss cleaning up toys every.single.night.
- I will not miss worrying at the park when I cannot see where my child has gone.
- I will not miss having some part of someone else’s body on some part of my body at every moment of every day.
- I will not miss climbing into bed, settling in, and dozing off, only to hear a cry start up and know I have to get back up.
- I will not miss trying to distinguish my husband’s voice and needs above the clamour of need that only children exhibit.
- I will not miss staying up too late in order to finally grab quiet time with God.
- I will not miss wondering how to pick up a crying baby, wipe a dirty bum, and pour juice, all at the exact same time, all with hands covered in raw meat because it seemed like a safe time to make hamburgers.
- I will not miss having all hell break loose the minute I answer the phone.
Call me selfish, call me callous, call me whatever you want. I love my kids dearly, but I want them to grow up. I will absolutely miss certain aspects of their childhood – above all else I will miss their childlike faith, their unconditional love, their freedom, and their joyful innocence. But above that selfish missing, I look forward to, Lord willing, seeing them grow up, seeing who and what they will become. I want things to change – that’s how life should be.
I want to enjoy the moment, but I don’t want to fear missing a moment. I want to treasure each year, not be stuck in the golden yesteryear.
I want my kids to know they are MY world, but also to know that they are not THE world. I want them to know that things will not and should not always revolve around them, their needs, their desires, their schedules. I want them to learn to speak and think kindly of others, and treat them accordingly. I want them to learn the art, struggle, and joy of service, of putting others first, and of accepting responsibility for their actions.
What do you think? Is the “you’re gonna miss this” hype helpful? Does it make you treasure your children more? Does it give you more patience? What are looking forward to most as you watch them grow up – the next baby coming along or how the children you have are coming along? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
I love the honesty in this, it is so true that there are many things that I won’t miss, like sleepless nights, sore nipples and public diaper changing stations. I, however, prefer to lie to myself in the wee hours of the morning when I’m up nursing baby for the third time that night, or when I’m seriously thinking about investing in hearing protection due to her need to screech in joy, anger, and boredom, that I will miss all of this. Believing for a moment that I’ll miss it helps me get through those moments with a shred of positivity.
Haha, I definitely have to tell myself the same lie many nights :) And public changing stations – YES!
Well said, Anna! I tend to flip back and forth between wanting my girls to grow up and then wanting them to stay little… I guess I’m loving them as little people, but I am also very excited to see who they’ll become. And I look forward to being there to guide, challenge, encourage, and love them as they grow independent of me.
I treasure these days, but I certainly won’t miss:
1. having to wear a nursing bra (which is never very sexy, just sayin’)
2. making sure I don’t go out with baby vomit all over my shirt and dirty fingerprints on my pants
3. carrying my way-too-heavy 3-year old to her room for a time-out
4. cleaning out car seats
I could come up with more, I’m sure. :)
Thanks for the post and encouraging us mamas to stay positive while being realistic!
Thanks, Heidi! I totally love your additions, and agree with every one!
I agree wholeheartedly. And I know that when people with grown children hear that I am still up twice a night with my 1 yr old, they are NOT envying me. ;)
But, I must add that if a nice little old lady at the grocery store tells me I should enjoy my little ones, I believe that she is being nostalgic for her little ones, and she doesn’t necessarily mean I should enjoy Everything. So, no hard feelings to her! :)
Yes, I do actually like when elderly people tell me that at the store, it encourages me that my children are behaving in a way that makes someone nostalgic instead of making them cringe and go the other way!
Thank you for putting into words what I have felt all along. My job as a parent is to raise my kids to be independent of me. I want to support them at every stage of their being but not smother them. The kids grow up way quicker than I planned but I am too busy enjoying the present to sit around moping about the past and what was. Now is the only thing we have.
Exactly! Thanks for your comment!
Preach on, sister.
My kids are 21, 19, and 17. Grad school, graduating from college tomorrow, and about-to-start-junior-year of college. I love them all, and I would do/give anything for them. But holy hell, I am glad they are on their way into their own lives.
Miss the sibling squabbles? The stains on carpets, furniture and my car from “oops” moments with food and drink? The unbelievable amount of money dropped on clothes they grew out of in 37 seconds? The stress and worries when dating started? Not even remotely.
I have on aunt who refuses to let up on how “miserable” I am going to be when I find myself “facing Empty Next Syndrome”. Uh. NO. Sorry. My kids are incredible people, and I look forward to seeing the adults they are becoming. But that’s just it. I have no desire to keep them as young kids; I like the fact that I will get my life back.
We are extremely close; we text/call/IM/email/Skype on a daily basis, and that’ll never change, no matter far apart we are geographically. (Oldest is moving to Scotland next year, youngest wants to go to Japan, and middle may be moving down to the Caribbean, as are my husband and myself.)
Congratulations on your kids growing up well, with an amazing Mom!
THANK YOU for your heartfelt comment! I’m so glad to hear that others feel the same way – and your kids sound like fantastic, interesting people!
Well , with it being my first one I love having her as a baby and all the firsts but it is exciting to see her grow, I wouldn’t want her to be a baby forever.
Your right, enjoy the moments but don’t wish the days away.
Well said! Each stage has it’s joys and challenges. As long as we enjoy our children for who they are and encourage who they are becoming while teaching them boundaries and sometimes tough love I have to hope that we’ll come out ahead. There goes parenting…by the grace of God. (:
That is such a great thought… “I want my kids to know that they are MY world but also to know that they are not THE world…….”
Thanks!
Thanks so much for your comment! It’s definitely something I want them to learn, but at the same time at cringe at the hardness of the lesson.
I love this post! My boys are 5, 9 and 11(in a few days) and I totally agree about wanting them to grow up, while at the same time loving who they are now. My youngest will start school in September and I can’t understand the moms who cry because their kids are growing up…they’re supposed to, and it’s all such a wonderful adventure! Oh, and I won’t miss being asked to drive tiny vehicles all over my floor on my hands and knees!
Beautifully written Anna and I agree with every word:) I loved my children when they were little, but I enjoyed watching them grow up and become loving, gifted adults who I can still hug and love without having to cut up their food :) Although I must admit the upcoming marriage of my youngest and last can bring a tear to my eye.
Aww. You’re a fabulous mum – with a razor-sharp wit. I’m sure you’ll always be awesome in the eyes of your children…except maybe during the teenage years. ;) xo
1. This is beautifully written, you’re such a fabulous, beautiful mama (and person in general)
2. Not gonna lie, I will miss every bit of it. But I’m one of the crazy ones ;) I truly have a hard time accepting/enjoying the fact that they’re growing up.
3. Therefore, I appreciate the reminder that that’s a selfish attitude – and the encouragement/inspiration to look forward to the future and accept the changes!
xoxo